u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What a dumb baby whore.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
