Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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