Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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