You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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