He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
