Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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