The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
