so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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