Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i have two assholes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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