Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
