my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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