OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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