i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
