is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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