also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
