Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
