hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
