you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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