is your mom at the bar?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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