Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
