there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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