Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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