Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
