My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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