I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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