he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize