i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
