My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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