I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
