Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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