My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
