I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
