I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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