when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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