i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
