I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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