I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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