Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
