i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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