he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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