I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
