Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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