Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
