I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
