If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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