just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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