The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
