Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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