rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
