my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
