you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
