I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize