but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
