I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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