Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
