I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
