I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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