why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
