also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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