yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
