How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
