Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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