Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
