Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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