It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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