We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
