Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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