you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
