I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
