he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
