i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
