This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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