If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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