Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
