Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
