I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
