My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
