I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
