I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
