Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
