Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
